I am away from home. Even before I left I was struggling. I pervasive sadness settled upon me and I collapsed beneath its weight. I had been praying day and night yet found neither comfort nor peace. I can hear my father praying without ceasing. I am praying for him. Is he praying for another? Probably.
I read. I write. I pray. I let go. I watch the pain and struggle and feel helpless to shift the perspective. I cook and clean. I drive. I remain present. I pray. I read. I write.
Sometimes, I am snippy. I start down the name calling road but soon reach the fork of Let It Go or Resentment. The season of reflection and release is populated by family members I have not seen in seven to forty years. And even seven years ago, it was just in passing. There are so many stories to tell. So many memories to hear. So much hurt to rehash. Drawing the line is challenging when there is so much to review.
This week I have been looking at my obstacles to letting go and shifting perspective. I have elected to accept responsibility for how I show up today, regardless of what went on before or how other people act. I have been equally blessed to spend time with my cousins who have been kind and supportive as with my siblings who have been curt and aloof.
Still we pray. Blessed be.
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The season of reflection is ever present, greeting us as the waking sun and the rising moon. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and journey.